dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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