Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
