I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
