I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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