was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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