I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
They have beer where we have blood.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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