The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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