How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
