Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
