Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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