If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
