She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You did what with his pubic hair?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
