1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
