My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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