I think I died a long time ago.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
