Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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