i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
