Umm I'm too high to move.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
