Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
