My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
