he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
