i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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