if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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