I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
