oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
