You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
