last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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