That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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