The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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