weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
