i don't plan on having that self control this summer
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
