Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
