After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
