new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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