Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
