Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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