she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
