Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
