Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
