I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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