conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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