i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
