so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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