i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
