your parents love me but you hate me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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