for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
