At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
