I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
