I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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