Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
