Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
