im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
